Eating Disorder Group

Why Would I Consider Going to Therapy for My Eating Disorder?

2011-03-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this page right now then you are probably wondering if counseling will help you to recover from your eating disorder. That’s a fair question. I want to convey to you that there is hope.

This is why I believe that counseling can help…

A therapist’s main role is to earn your trust and develop a good rapport, so that you will feel safe and comfortable in order to share about yourself. Receiving validation for your thoughts and feelings regarding your experience helps you to begin the healing process. Many of us don’t find that kind of support at home. Support comes through empathy and compassion for your difficulties. You have to acknowledge and grieve experiences that were difficult and painful in order to move on.

I believe that psychoeducation is an important part of counseling. Understanding societies misleading messages about beauty, thinness, or muscularity will help you to improve your negative body image. You will find that you don’t have to be “perfect” to feel good about yourself. Counseling can help you to see that you are of value, effective, and beautiful in your own unique way.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you to become aware of the negative statements that you make to yourself and helps you to figure out where you first heard those things. You can begin to handle toxic situations and relationships and even learn to set boundaries by respectfully sharing with others how you “really” feel.

Counseling encourages you to take care of "you" and teaches you how to improve your self-esteem. You will learn how to regulate and tolerate emotions like anxiety and depression; feelings that may have been overwhelming for you. You can then begin to replace old harmful habits with new healthier behaviors.

At first this may seem out of reach for you but change and growth happens in small baby steps. I know this because I developed an eating disorder at age 15. I worked with an excellent therapist who helped me to beat my eating disorder and now I help others to do the same. There is life after an eating disorder and I am proof of it.

I facilitate and eating disorder and body image group because it is very effective when treating an eating disorder. I also work with clients individually or with their families as eating disorders is a family system issue. Often loved ones will come to counseling to learn how to best support the eating disordered person.

If you think I may be able to help you or a loved one recover from an eating disorder, please feel free to call me. I would be happy to talk with you about your situation and answer any questions you may have.

You don’t have to do this alone…

Sincerely,

Ilissa Banhazl,MFT

Do you Struggle with Anxiety Every Freakin Day of Your Life??

2011-03-20T18:08:00.001-07:00

Are you feeling uncomfortable physically?
Would you like to feel less stressed out?
Are you afraid of something in particular?
Does going out to a party make you feel anxious?
Wouldn't it be nice not to have anxiety zap all of your energy?
Wouldn't it be better to focus that energy on creating positive new experiences?

In counseling, I strive to create a safe and calming environment where we can address these kinds of feelings. Cognitive Behavioral (CBT) is very useful in treating anxiety disorders. The cognitive element helps people change their thinking patterns that support their fears, while the behavioral component helps people change the way they react to anxiety provoking situations.

If you would like to learn more information about treating anxiety or any other mood issues, visit the National Institute for Mental Health.

Here are some tips to help you cope with your anxiety today.
1. Use relaxation techniques like imagery or meditation
2. Get at least some moderate exercise
3. Good nutrition is very important. You'd be surprised how what you eat can make you feel anxious. Watch your sugar intake.

If you would like to work with me on coping with your anxiety, please feel free to contact me at 626-335-0903.

Hope you have a less anxious day! Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage & Family Therapy in Glendora.

How Much Time Do You Waste Obsessing About Your Body?

2011-03-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

How much time each day do YOU spend obsessing about your body? If you're feeling badly about your body image then you may stay back from social activities or career opportunities and you may be suffering from low self-esteem. The body is just the outer shell. Use that time to grow in other more important ways. If you're eating healthily and exercising moderately than you shouldn't need to obsess at all. Your healthy habits should keep your body healthy and toned.

She's healthy, a size 8, and involved in a nice relationship. So why does she spend so much time obsessing over her belly? And how much time is she spending? Valerie Frankel clocks her central preoccupation.

Surely you've heard the statistic that men think about sex 200 times a day. Amazingly, there are no empirical or scientific studies to back up the claim. Women, I've long believed, spend just as much time contemplating female bodies and what they'd like to do with them. Read More>>>

How Men Really Feel About Their Bodies

2011-03-12T21:43:00.000-08:00

We read and hear so much about women and their bodies. What about men??

Ilissa

We know they obsess over our bodies. But have you heard them obsess about theirs? Ted Spiker breaks the code of silence and takes you where no woman has gone before.

Dressed only in my underwear, I'm eight years old and sitting on the pediatrician's exam table, waiting for my checkup. My mother points to the two mounds of fatty flesh between my chest and belly. She asks the doctor, "Could they be tumors?"

"No," he says, "it's just fat."

Since that day, my fat has absorbed more darts than the back wall of a bar. Read More>>>

Eating Disorder Recovery and Self Esteem 1

2011-03-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

Eating Disorders: Making Mistakes

We are harder on ourselves than we are to others...

Ilissa

Eating Disorders Speaking Engagement

2011-03-08T11:57:00.001-08:00

Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Therapist is speaking on Eating Disorders at UWest (University of the West) (Wellness center) in Rosemead on Thursday March 10, 2011 from 1-2pm. Please contact Ilissa for more information (626)335-0903

Beauty and Body Image in the Media

2011-03-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

How many of us are feeling pressure from the media to look a certain way? We can reject the media's message of thinness! Beauty comes in all different forms. Let's not forget that true beauty builds from the inside out. People think that if they achieve the perfect body that they will be completely happy. It's not true. Yes, you'll be skinny, but you'll still have the same problems!

Ilissa

"We don’t need Afghan-style burquas to disappear as women. We disappear in reverse—by revamping and revealing our bodies to meet externally imposed visions of female beauty."

Images of female bodies are everywhere. Women—and their body parts—sell everything from food to cars. Popular film and television actresses are becoming younger, taller and thinner. Some have even been known to faint on the set from lack of food. Women’s magazines are full of articles urging that if they can just lose those last twenty pounds, they’ll have it all—the perfect marriage, loving children, great sex, and a rewarding career. Read More>>>

Are Parents To Blame For Their Childrens Eating Disorders?

2011-03-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

I am a psychotherapist and I work with people who have eating disorders. I agree with this article that parents don't intentionally hurt their children but I want to ask parents to do something. Please don't label your child as the "sick one". Eating disorders is a family system problem. Sometimes the eating disordered person is actually the healthiest because they are silently screaming that something is wrong here. Please come with your child to counseling. No one wants to blame you. But owning what you've done (unintentionally) is very validating and healing for the eating disordered person. This is the way to recovery. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them. Please visit www.eatingdisordersgroup.com

Ilissa

In society our parents are probably the most important people who impact ones life. They are the ones who provide us with our life skills and teach us something new everyday. Helping us grow into the world , parents are the ones we look up to the most. Read More>>>

Does Your Loved One Have an Eating Disorder?

2011-02-27T11:53:00.000-08:00

Does someone close to you appear to be struggling with some form of an eating disorder? Are you confused as to your role in helping this person? Here are some things you can do to help this person.

Ilissa

It’s crushing to watch a child or family member wither in front of your eyes from anorexia, spiral into a cycle of binging and purging, or go through periods of uncontrollable gorging. Because people with anorexia symptoms, bulimia symptoms, or binge eating issues frequently isolate themselves and try to keep the problem a secret, you might suspect that you’re witnessing eating disorder symptoms and wonder what action you need to take. Read More>>>

What Fathers with Daughters Should Know About Eating Disorders

2011-02-24T05:22:00.000-08:00

Hi dads! Did you know how much influence you have with your daughters? A strong father/daughter relationship will help her to grow into a healthy and happy young woman. If you're reading this, then you are already a great dad!

Ilissa

10 Tips for Dads with Daughters
Ten Things Every Father Should Know1) Listen to girls. Focus on what is really important--what my daughter thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does--rather than how she looks. I have a profound influence on how my daughter views herself. When I value my daughter for her true self, I give her confidence to use her talents in the world.
2) Encourage her strength and celebrate her savvy. Help my daughter learn to recognize, resist and overcome barriers. Help her develop her strengths to achieve her goals. Help her be what Girls Incorporated calls Strong, Smart and Bold!
3) Urge her to love her body & discourage dieting. Growing girls need to eat often and healthy. Dieting increases the risk of eating disorders. Advertisers spend billions to convince my daughter she doesn’t look "right." I won’t buy into it. I’ll tell my daughter that I love her for who she is, not for how she looks. Read more>>>

Events for eating Disorder Awareness Week

2011-02-20T22:44:00.000-08:00

This year's theme for Eating Disorder Awareness Week is "Let's Talk about It". See if you can do one thing this week to help spread the word about eating disorder recovery.

Ilissa

If you weren't aware of it, this is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (February 21st-27th) sponsored by the National Eating Disorders Organization. There are a number of events taking place all across the country in honor of this week.

Why is this week important? Eating disorders are serious mental health issues. Even if you have not been directly impacted by an eating disorder, it's likely that you have a sister, aunt, friend or boyfriend who has been touch by them in some way. Read More>>>

The Art of Dating When You Have Kids | Love & Sex | GalTime

2011-02-20T17:57:00.000-08:00

Are you divorced with children? Are you wondering how to date with kids? read on to learn how.
Ilissa

The Art of Dating When You Have Kids | Love & Sex | GalTime

Do You Have an Eating Disorder?

2011-02-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

I suppose all of us has some form of an eating disorder. It just depends on the severity. Take the quiz to find out!

Ilissa

In today's thin-obsessed society, it's hard to feel confident about your body. You may overindulge in junk foods, or you may often feel ashamed of your weight. Everyone has insecurities, but these insecurities can lead some people to develop a negative relationship with food. Are your eating habits normal, or are you on the road to an eating disorder? Take the quiz>>>

How Eating Disorders Impact on Relationships

2011-02-14T00:14:00.000-08:00

Do you or your partner have an eating disorder? Eating disorders are secretive and cause the person to feel shame. Creating safety in your relationship, allows your partner to share with you their fears and their truth. Read on for more understanding of the complexities of eating disorders and couples.

When anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa patients are married or live together with a partner unmarried, the question arises as to what impact an eating disorder has on the relationship with a partner or, alternatively, how an intimate relationship with a partner influences the course of an eating disorder.
Despite valuable implications, the marital relationships of adult eating-disordered patients have not received much attention in the form of empirical research. One of the major impressions emphasized in clinical literature is that married eating disordered patients and their partners often report a significant degree of dissatisfaction with their relationships. Read More>>>

Eating Disorders and Family Relationships

2011-02-10T15:00:00.000-08:00

Eating disorders are a family systems problem. Read on to find out what your role has been in sustaining the eating disorder.

Ilissa

Systems theory and object relations theory correspond in the study of eating disorders. Theorists propose that the dynamics of the family system maintain the insufficient coping strategies seen in eating disordered individuals (Humphrey & Stern, 1988). Read More>>>

Eating-Disorder Signs in Your Child

2011-02-07T20:48:00.000-08:00

Preventing an eating disorder is always better than trying to recover from one. Parents there are things you can do early on.

Ilissa

You never talk about weight. You're careful never to mention "diet" in front of your daughter. You teach your son to do his best but never expect him to be perfect.

But even avoiding all the traps does not erase the possibility of an eating disorder. There is no single cause: It's a perfect storm of environmental, psychological, and biological factors that drive children as young as 8 to the edge of starvation and sometimes tragically beyond.

The best way to protect your child is to be alert for telltale behavior and...
Read for more information>>>

February is National Eating Disorder Month

2011-02-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

If you are concerned about yourself or someone you love who may be struggling with an eating disorder, please make this February your month to reach out for help.
Ilissa

The purpose of National Eating Disorder month is to increase public awareness about eating disorders. The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) has a list of signs and symptoms of eating disorders on their home page at www.nationaleatingdisorder.org and visits to www.something-fishy.org provides useful insight, as well. Read More...

February 2 is National Girls and Women in Sports Day

2011-01-31T14:41:00.000-08:00

Want to focus on something other than that silly groundhog?

Celebrating its 25th anniversary this year, National Girls and Women in Sports Day (NGWSD) began in 1987 as a day to remember Olympic volleyball player Flo Hyman’s achievement in athletics, and her determination to assure equality for women’s sports. Hyman died in 1986 of Marfan's Syndrome while competing in a volleyball tournament in Japan.

How to celebrate: Read More...

If You Suspect Your Child May Have An Eating Disorder

2011-01-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

Are you concerned about your daughter? Are you wondering whether she might have an eating disorder? If so, read on to learn what you can do.

Ilissa

Your daughter is perfect. She's smart, funny, and has friends. At her demanding North Shore high school, she's taking advanced classes and getting great grades.

She's also an athlete and active volunteer. Really, quite accomplished. Except lately, you're starting to get a parent vibe that maybe perfection is taking a toll on your child. Read More...

Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa on www.ksgvradio.com

2011-01-27T00:27:00.000-08:00

Talk Therapy with Ilissa is taking a short break. It will return with the whole season intact. Keep a look out for posted days and times. Listen to the tables turn as Jeff and Virginia interview Ilissa, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist.

When An Eating Disorder Reappears

2011-01-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

Congratulations you kicked your eating disorder to the curb! Sometimes however, in times of stress your eating disorder may resurface. Keep aware of your feelings and don't panic. This is part of recovery!

Ilissa

Carol was in her mid-thirties when she came to see me. "I had an eating disorder all through high school and college," she said. "But with the help of a terrific therapist I got a handle on it and I haven't binged for more than ten years." Recently, however, she had been overwhelmed by a desire to binge. "I want to eat everything in sight," she said. "I'm never satisfied, no matter how much I eat."

In therapy Carol had learned that both starving and binging were ways of managing difficult feelings. Read More...

Women's Personal Growth & Support Group

2011-01-22T11:25:00.000-08:00

Women's Personal Growth & Support Group

Women’s Personal Growth and Support Group

“Women supporting each other in a safe environment.”

Facilitated by Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist’

Where: 2220 E. Rte 66 Suite #226, Glendora CA 91740

When: Every Wednesday from 7pm – 8:30pm

Ages: 21 and up

Fee: $45 per session, PPO Reimbursement

For more information: (626) 335-0903
www.ilissabanhazlmft.com

Only 8 slots Available!

Talk about anything…

Body Image Quiz for Plus Sized Women

2011-01-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

How do you feel about your body? Take the Body Image Quiz and find out.
Ilissa
Every woman, regardless of her size, has body image issues. But this is especially true for plus-size women. Because women's bodies are constantly scrutinized and commented upon, and Madison Avenue and the media promote unrealistic ideals, how could it be otherwise?

In reality, our bodies - no matter what their shape or size - are wondrous things. They keep us moving through our world, they have an amazing capacity to heal themselves and they are intriguing in their diversity of beauty.

Take this quiz to discover what your body image says about you:
1. Think of three things you love about your body. Okay, how long did
it take you to come up with your list? Read More...

Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/body-image-quiz-for-plussize-women-1161647.html#ixzz1BPVUKrOR
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Talk Therapy with Ilissa

2011-01-14T09:31:00.001-08:00

Apologies to those who tuned in to hear Talk Therapy with Ilissa last night. Due to technical difficulties the program started late. Please tune in next Thursday at 7pm (www.ksgvradio.com) when all should be back to normal. Thanks for your patience. Ilissa

Listen tonight to talk therapy with Ilissa

2011-01-13T17:31:00.001-08:00

Tonight! Listen to Talk Therapy with Ilissa...Two Couples Talk About Relationships, Family, Parenting and More! Ilissa answers your questions! Lots of laughs!
Thursday, January 13th at 7pm at www.ksgvradio.com

Eating Disorders Explained

2011-01-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

It's very confusing to understand why your eating or not eating is spiraling out of control. It's also difficult to watch a loved one struggle with an eating disorder and feel confused and helpless. I hope this article gives you a better understanding of what you are dealing with and what you can do to get help. Ilissa

Attempting to understand the mystery that is an unfolding eating disorder is akin to attempting to comprehend the complexities of black holes in space….they just appear, suck everything living and light into their depths, and then sit patiently, eternally, waiting for more.

In fact, this is exactly how the family and friends of an eating disorder sufferer feel, watching everything they have known and treasured about their loved one disappear into the black hole depths of mental illness.

How does this happen? What causes an eating disorder? How can a sufferer begin heal? And what can loved ones do to help? What causes eating disorders? Read More...

Eating Disorder Awareness Week Video

2011-01-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

Watch a video from eating disorder awareness week. Startling... Ilissa

Time-lapse beauty

2010-12-30T00:50:00.000-08:00

DID YOU KNOW THAT ALMOST ALL OF THE PHOTOS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN MAGAZINES ARE TOUCHED UP?
EVER THINK YOU MIGHT BE TRYING TO LIVE UP TO SOME STANDARD OF BEAUTY THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST? WATCH THE VIDEO...

Ilissa Banhazl MFT Eating Disorders

2010-12-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

Hear Ilissa speak on eating disorders...

Most women struggle with poor body image...

2010-12-28T20:30:00.000-08:00

thercxx

Surviving Holiday Meals

2010-12-17T10:38:00.000-08:00

Are you worried about all the foods at Christmas and all the social situations you will be in? Here are some ideas to make navigating the holiday season a bit more manageable. Ilissa

Holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukah pose unique challenges for people with eating disorders. Worries about holiday eating tend to fall into two major categories: (1) fears of familiar holiday meals and (2) fears of new and unknown meal settings and situations.

Familiar holiday meals
Familiarity with a holiday meal can be both an asset and a liability for clients.Read More...

Tonight-Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

2010-12-16T10:43:00.001-08:00

Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating! Special Guest: Dan Mc Getrick, MFT and Hypnotherapy. Answering Calls and Emails!
December 16, 2010 at 7pm, www.ksgvradio.com

Eating Disorder Guide For Parents

2010-12-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

The Center for Discovery suggests these guildelines for helping your child with their eating disorder. Ilissa

The information below is intended to provide parents and loved ones with suggestions on how to help their son or daughter struggling with an eating disorder. These suggestions are only intended to offer and maintain a supportive environment and should not be considered a form of treatment. Due to the serious nature of Anorexia, Bulimia and Binge Eating it is important to seek treatment from professional eating disorder specialists that will assist with helping adolescents to full recovery.

Where to Start: Read more...

Listen Tonight, Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MFT

2010-12-09T15:29:00.000-08:00

December 9th at 7pm at www.ksgvradio.com
Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make with Special Guest: Dr. Stuart Rubin,
Cosmetic and General Dentistry. Ilissa answers your emails!

Eating Disorder Red Flags

2010-11-29T16:53:00.000-08:00

Center for Discovery in California is an excellent inpatient program for treating more serious eating disorders. They have posted some read flags to look for if you think you may have an eating disorder.

Ilissa

There are several factors that contribute to the development of anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and other related complex disordered eating. Eating disorders are complicated, so it is important to know what signs and symptoms to look for. Below are several signs that a person may be struggling and he or she needs help!

•Constant thoughts about your weight Read More...

More Men Facing Eating Disorders

2010-11-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

We used to think that an eating disorder was a female condition. Actually more and more in the later years men have become a sizable population dealing with eating disorders. More men need to seek out treatment without feeling shamed or embarrassed.

Ilissa

More and more men are feeling the pressure to be thin and look good, according to a presentation at the American Dietetic Association Food and Nutrition Conference in St. Louis.

"Males are taking on our unhealthy obsession with thinness and perfection, and as a result we are seeing an increased incidence in eating disorders in males" says Sondra Kronberg, MS, RD, CDN. Kronberg is the director and co-founder of Eating Disorder Associates Treatment and Referral Centers and has been treating clients with eating disorders for more than 25 years.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, there are about 1 million men with serious eating disorders and tens of millions who have some form of eating disorders.

Why the Increase? Read More...

Tonight 7pm Listen Live to Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa

2010-11-11T16:23:00.001-08:00

It's Not Easy Being a Single Parent!
Special Guest: Kathy Benton, Stepping Stones for Women and their Children
Ilissa answers your calls and emails!
November 11,2010 7pm www.ksgvradio.com

How to survive Thanksgiving when you’re in eating disorder recovery

2010-11-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is perhaps the holiday that inspires the most amount of anxiety and fear in the hearts of those (Americans) with eating disorders, especially those of us with bingeing disorders like bulimia or BED who know we can eat the feast twice over and then some. We’ve discussed tips and advice for the holidays here before, but I got a note from Denver-based Eating Recovery Center this week with even more coping skills for sufferers and caregivers that I thought helpful to share.

The Eating Recovery Center offers these five recommendations to help individuals in recovery confidently manage holiday festivities: Read More>>>

Tonight on Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

2010-11-04T15:50:00.000-07:00

Girl Talk with Brenda and Ilissa
Single After 30?
How to Find the Right Partner!
Ilissa answers your questions!
7pm www.ksgvradio.com November 4, 2010

Science Works to Conquer Junk Food Cravings

2010-10-31T14:13:00.001-07:00

Is there ANYONE who cannot relate to this article???
Ilissa

Like a pesky piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, you can count on cravings sticking around for a while. And women struggle with cravings even more than their husbands or boyfriends, thanks to hormonal changes that occur around the menstrual cycle and during pregnancy. But there is hope! Use this advice from Bob Greene and TheBestLife.com to conquer your cravings for good.

Obviously, junk food cravings wouldn't be a problem if we craved healthy fare like produce, or if the answer to withstanding temptations was as simple as willpower. Unfortunately, cravings are a little more complicated than that.

First, there's a physiological component, suggests research from Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating.Read more>>>

Men and Women Talk!

2010-10-25T13:04:00.000-07:00

Why do men fear disagreeing with their wives or partners? I’m sorry; I know the word fear is not a favorite term for men to identify with. But, I do see it over and over again in my office. Men need to stop trying to figure out what they think their partner wants them to say and instead say what they really think.

First off to men's credit, women need to speak calmly and respectfully to their husbands/partners when they disagree with them. However, men need to tolerate some emotion.

Guys don't shut down! Tell your truth in a calm respectful way and then wait to see if you get a respectful response back. If not, your done, respectfully so. Be gentle. Your partner is acting out of emotion right now. No need for yelling. Ask for a time-out. When you try again start with something like, “That didn’t go very well did it?” Humor at no one’s expense is always a good icebreaker.

Simply, men and women speak your truth in a calm and effective manner. Calm yourselves before you speak. This new style of communicating will encourage other positive interactions.

Ilissa Banhazl, MFT www.ilissabanhazlmft.com
Comments are welcome: "Let me know if you try this and please tell me if something changes."

Talk Therapy W/ ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

2010-10-20T13:08:00.001-07:00

Counseling for Older Adults
Special guest Deborah Dozal, of the La Fetra Senior Center.
Valentines Month Ends with "How to Create Intimacy”...
Answering your emails!
Listen Thursday October 21st at 7pm at www.ksgvradio.com

Watch Ilissa's Video at Youtube

2010-09-23T01:26:00.000-07:00

Watch Ilissa's video at Youtube, Ilissa Banhazl, MFT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3nUcMA6pqA
Learn about her practice and find out who she really is...

2010-09-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

"Click image to view larger"

2010-09-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Women's Support group in Glendora

2010-09-13T14:11:00.001-07:00

Facilitated by Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist
Wednesday evenings 7-8:30pm for 8 weeks
$45 per meeting, PPO Reinbursement
Please call 626-335-0903 for more information
Hurry, there are only 8 slots!

"There's nothing like the support from other women especially when you're in a safe place."

You can talk about anything...

“Be the Change” In Your Family During Eating Disorder Recovery

2010-09-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

Mahatama Ghandi, leader of India’s fight for independence, famously said: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” You don’t have to be seeking national liberation to use this inspirational advice. In fact, you can apply it in your home.

Whether or not you still live with your parents and siblings, family interactions can support or undermine your recovery. We’d all like it if we could just put notes in a family suggestion box when we want things to be different. Family members would read our notes and make the changes we want. I don’t know about you, but my family never got that memo. If we want things to change, we often have to be the first to set the example.

Here are five problems that commonly occur in families during eating disorder recovery, followed by examples of how you can “be the change” you want:Read More>>>

Childhood Obesity Awareness Month

2010-09-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

September is Childhood Obesity Awareness Month by Presidential Proclamation.
One of the greatest responsibilities we have as a Nation is to safeguard the health and well-being of our children. We now face a national childhood obesity crisis, with nearly one in every three of America's children being overweight or obese. There are concrete steps we can take right away as concerned parents, caregivers, educators, loved ones, and a Nation to ensure that our children are able to live full and active lives. During National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month, I urge all Americans to take action to meet our national goal of solving the problem of childhood obesity within a generation.

Eating Disorder Questionaire

2010-09-04T04:38:00.000-07:00

Here are some questions for you to consider if you think you yourself have an Eating Disorder, or if you think you know someone who does. Read the questions carefully and answer honestly.

When you are done click on the button labeled "PRINT ANSWERS TO SCREEN" to view all your answers. You can PRINT OUT the page so that you can take it with you to your doctor or to your therapist.Read More>>>

Women's Support Group

2010-08-29T04:40:00.001-07:00

I am starting up another women's support group for women 18 years and older. If you would like more information please call or email Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist at (626)335-0903 or ilissa@ilissabanhazlmft.com

Group will be held once a week on Wednesday evenings from 7pm-8:30. The fee is $45 per session and group runs for 8 weeks or longer if the group wishes to continue.

Call soon because I’m taking names and there are only 8 spots!

"There's nothing like the support of other women especially when you're in a safe place" You can talk about anything...

The Anxiety Diet

2010-08-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Think you're the only one? Think again!

Ilissa

For Jessica Winter food is a means to stave off impending disaster, keep stress at bay, and when things get really crazy, drop a dress size or three....

Like the mighty bison, the sturdy yak, and the vast water buffalo, I am a ruminant. You can usually find me in my native habitat (an office cubicle) chewing contemplatively (cud of choice: Snyder's Sourdough Nibblers) while gazing into the middle distance or in the general direction of a computer screen. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, MS, MFT

2010-08-05T18:02:00.001-07:00

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Sex Life!

Special Guest: Rita Holman of Stroller Stride and Luna Mom's Club of Glendora

www.ksgvradio.com Talk Therapy

Friday August 6th at 11am-12pm

Nutrition for Anxiety Disorders

2010-07-31T00:17:00.000-07:00

Did you know that what you eat directly affects your level of anxiety? Wouldn't it help to eat the right foods?

After you read this article please go to www.ksgvradio.com, Click on Talk Therapy w/Ilissa and look at my archived shows. Click on March 1:
"Struggling With Anxiety or Depression"
With special guest Jeri Evans - Nutritionist

Ilissa

What we put in our body can have a direct impact on how we feel physically and emotionally. It is important to be aware of what you are putting in your body and how some foods could actually be increasing your experience of anxiety - especially if you are a sensitive person. Some of the anxiety your experience may actually be due to... Read More>>>

Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT

2010-07-30T00:27:00.000-07:00

Single After 30?
How to Find the Right Partner!
Girl Talk with Brenda and Jeff
www.ksgvradio.com Listen on Friday July 30th from 11am-12pm

Kids, Teens and Eating Disorders

2010-07-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

Is your teen not eating or eating too much? Do they disappear in to the bathroom after most meals? Ilissa

Many kids — particularly teens — are concerned about how they look and can feel self-conscious about their bodies. This can be especially true when they are going through puberty, and undergo dramatic physical changes and face new social pressures.

Unfortunately, for a growing proportion of kids and teens, that concern can grow into an obsession that can become an eating disorder. Eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa cause dramatic weight fluctuation, interfere with normal daily life, and damage vital body functions.

Parents can help prevent kids from developing an eating disorder by... Read More>>>

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, MS, MFT

2010-07-22T12:37:00.001-07:00

It's Not Easy Being a Single Parent!
Special Guest: Kathy Benton, Stepping Stones for Women and their Children
www.ksgvradio.com Listen Friday at 11am-12pm

No Age Limit on Picky Eating .

2010-07-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Eating disorder or not, picky eating has it's difficulties.
Ilissa

This is what Heather Hill eats: French fries, pasta with butter or marinara sauce, vegetarian pizza, cooked broccoli, corn on the cob and cakes and cookies without nuts.

And what she doesn't eat? Pretty much anything else.

Heather Hill and her daughter, Sarah, grab boxes of saltines at the store. It's one food they both eat readily.

Ms. Hill is what you might call a picky eater. But she isn't a child. She's a 39-year-old mother of three who runs her own business in Raleigh, N.C. She says she is unable to eat other foods. "When I was younger it was cute," Ms. Hill says. "Now it's embarrassing."

People like Ms. Hill have long puzzled clinicians and medical experts because their behaviors don't fit the definition of a traditional eating disorder, in which people aim to achieve a certain body weight. But picky eaters' diets can be so limited that their food preferences interfere with their social and professional relationships, which is one of the hallmarks of a true disorder. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT

2010-07-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating! Special Guest: Dan Mc Getrick, MFT and Hypnotherapy.
www.ksgvradio.com Listen Friday July 16th, 11am-12pm

Help Your Teenage Daughter Manage Her Weight

2010-07-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it feels like it's easier to talk to a wall than to your teenage daughter! When it comes to tricky topics like her weight, you might not even know where to begin. But as her mother, you are responsible for showing her how to take care of herself. Evelyn Resh shares six proactive and loving ways to help you talk to your teen about food and exercise that will help build lifelong healthy habits.

Childhood obesity rates are at an all-time high. This is the first time in our history as a country that childhood and adolescent obesity has been highlighted as a public health crisis. Kids and teens in the United States are facing lifelong health problems because they're overeating and underexercising. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

2010-07-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Two Couples Talk About Their Relationship
www.ksgvradio.com, Talk Therapy
Listen on Friday July 9th from 11am-12pm

What Are You Hungry For? Hint: It's Not Food

2010-07-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Women, Food, and God is a terrific book for anyone struggling with eating issues of any kind. Oprah discovered another author who teaches us to replace our struggles with food with more authentic inner solutions.

Ilissa

A provocative new book reveals the self-defeating truth about dieting, while lighting the path to a full and healthy life. Says Oprah, "This book is an opportunity to finally end the war with weight and unlock the door to freedom."

When I first read Geneen Roth's Women, Food and God—in one big gulp—I knew I'd found something profound. I don't like the term food addict, but I realize I've been one, and it has taken me years to learn (and relearn) that the choices we make about what we put in our mouths are only stand-ins for the beliefs we carry in our minds and our hearts. Read More>>>

Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa: New Day and Time!

2010-06-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Talk Therapy W/ Ilissa moving to new day and time, Reruns, Fridays at 11-12am Topic: Cougars! and Dr. Nely Vasquez, Psy.D., Counseling Children and Teens www.ksgvradio.com

Who Am I Without Anorexia?

2010-06-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

Who are you without your eating disorder? You're all the wonderful parts that have gone into hiding to survive. You're in there I promise and you can also begin to create a new identity...

Ilissa

As you begin taking care of yourself and letting go of the behaviors that anorexia so rigidly dictates, you may find yourself wondering who you are. You may suddenly realize that you do not know yourself very well, and you may find yourself feeling lost and lonely. Many people say that because they have identified themselves with anorexia for so long, when they begin to let go of their eating disorder they feel as if they are losing their very own selves. That is a frightening and disorienting feeling. But if you look beyond feeling lost and search through your fear, you will find that this time in recovery is actually brimming with opportunity. It is the perfect time to discover who you really are. It is the perfect opportunity to find and reclaim pieces of yourself that were either lost, buried, or stolen. It is the perfect time to become whole.

Begin by making the commitment to get to know yourself and who you are without anorexia. Read More>>>

Body Image and Cosmetic Surgery

2010-06-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

Body Image and Cosmetic Surgery
Talk Therapy w/ Ilissa, MS, MFT
Special Guest: Dr. Lance Wyatt, Plastic Surgeon
Monday June 21st 1-2pm
Ksgvradio.com
Taking Calls and Emails live!
No topic is off limits!
ON AIR:(626) 852-KSGV (5748)

Life After an Eating Disorder

2010-06-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

Most clients tell me that are afraid to give up their eating disorder because it has become their identity. "Who will I be without my eating disorder", they ask. I always tell them that you will be the best of you! In counseling, we work to create a new identity designed by you. Read on to hear another woman's story...

Ilissa

It was not the way they imagined living their lives. They had big dreams, but those dreams did not include obsessing over the calories in a stick of gum or exercising up to eight hours a day. Actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler , supermodel Crystal Renn and former Olympic hopeful Ashley Dalton all lived with the dangerous eating disorder anorexia nervosa, and now all three talk candidly about their recoveries and new lives. Read More>>>

Apology to listeners: www.ksgvradio.com

2010-06-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

Apologies to those who tuned in to www.ksgvradio.com on Monday June 14th for Talk Therapy with Ilissa. It was a Father's Day Special; The importance of a close father daughter relationship. The station is upgrading its system. We did the show but no one could hear it live! It will be replayed soon and you can always catch it in my archives in a few days. Please check back!
Sorry for any inconvenience!

Next Monday's topic, June 21, 1-2pm will be body image and cosmetic surgery with Dr. Lance Wyatt, plastic surgeon. See you there!

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

2010-06-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

Monday, June 14th at 1-2pm
Listen to Talk Therapy with Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com

Father's Day Special!
3 Dads talk about being fathers to daughters...
Taking Calls and Emails Live!
No Topic is off Limits!

Talk Therapy With Ilissa, M.S., MFT

2010-06-05T21:14:00.001-07:00

Monday 1-2pm
Taking Calls and Emails Live!
Topics: Monday June 7, 2010
How to Keep The Romance In Your Marriage?
Special guests: Dr. Nely Vasquez and Dr. Noemi Urgiles: Is the Foster Care System Working? How Is It Hurting the Children?

Welcome to my newest follower! If you need to speak with me you can always email or call.

Reminder: Talk Therapy with Ilissa (internet radio)

2010-05-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

Listen to TWO COUPLES TALKING ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP this Monday at 1pm on Talk Therapy with Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com Listen to couples discuss the same things you discuss with your partner!
It's enlightening and funny!
See you there!

Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

2010-05-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

Are you one of a million people who are walking around being really hard on yourself? Ever catch yourself saying negative things to yourself while ignoring the positive? If so, read on...

Ilissa

Everywhere we turn, there are images of gorgeous women, constant reproaches to the reality of us, with our real bodies and un-Photoshopped flaws. We're not buying it anymore. We're tackling the critics—from the parents and teachers who favor the prettiest children to look-ist employers to the most hurtful of all, that nasty, catty girl who lives right behind our eyes.

Not long ago, I sat in my office, chatting with a friend. "I want to talk to you about your face," I said. "Oh my God," she said, looking stricken. "Do I need a facelift?" (I forget that people think I have a right to be openly critical of their appearance because I'm a beauty editor.) No, no, I said; I only wanted to know what she saw when she looked in the mirror. Read More>>>

Listen Live or Listen to Past Programs (internet radio)

2010-05-24T01:24:00.001-07:00

Catch Talk Therapy with Ilissa
Mondays at 1pm
www.ksgvradio.com (Internet Radio)
Taking calls and emails live!
Topic: Divorce and Mediatiom

Internet Radio Program: Talk Therapy With ilissa

2010-05-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

Tune in for Talk Therapy with Ilissa
www.ksgvradio.com
Every Monday from 1-2pmListen to archived shows anytime...

Taking Calls and Emails Live!
Call us on the air at 626) 852-KSGV (5748)
No Topic is off Limits!

Next Week's Topic:
Divorce and Mediation
Special Guest: Sheila Gutierrez, MFT

You won't want to miss it!

Ilissa's Internet Radio Program Mondays 1-2pm

2010-05-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

Tune in! You won't want to miss Talk Therapy with Ilissa at www.ksgvradio.com!

Marriage and Family Therapist

Internet Radio!

Lots of interesting topics and guests; plus lots of laughs!

Relationships, Anxiety, Depression, Body Image, Grief and Loss, Parenting

No Topic is Off Limits!

Mondays from 1-2pm or you can listen to archived shows at anytime!

Call in live and ask a question or make a comment. (626) 852-KSGV (5748) Doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, interrupt us!

Next week Topic:

Domestic Violence with a special guest from the House of Ruth. Tune in for tips on how to recognize the cycle of violence and how to have a safety plan in place!

See you there!
Ilissa

Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty

2010-05-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

Dove's campaign for real beauty has promoted a better body image for women. They are doing a great job of dispelling the notion of one kind of beauty. Why does society put so much importance on looks anyway?

Ilissa

In 2004, Dove launched the very successful Campaign for Real Beauty which features real women, not models, advertising Dove's firming cream. The advertisements focus on promoting real, natural beauty, in an effort to offset the unrealistically thin and unhealthy archetypal images associated with modelling. The sentiment is articulated quite strongly through their slogan "real women have curves" as well as the campaign's Web site, http://www.dove.us/#/cfrb/, which features quotes from each of the Campaign for Real Beauty models. The women share their perspectives on what real beauty is and why they wanted to be involved in the campaign. Read More>>>

History Of Bulimia And How It Evolved Into a New Problem

2010-05-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

I thought this article on the history of bulimia was fascinating.
Enjoy!

Ilissa

The History of bulimia is old. Even in ancient Rome people used to vomit up food they ate in the period of feasting. They even had special places for it called "vomitorium". There is a lot of recollection about these events in ancient Rome books. Roman emperors Claudius and Vitellius were bulimic. Some other cultures like ancient Egyptian purged themselves every month for three days in succession, using emetics and clysters to preserve health. They thought that human diseases came from food. In Europe in the Middle Ages purgation was used like a remedy for many diseases and was advocated by middle age physicians. In ancient Greece and Arabia there were also descriptions in texts of binging and purging. But all these ancient practices of binging and purging are similar but not the same as what we call "bulimia" now. Read More>>>

Dethroning Your Inner Critic in Eating Disorder Recovery: Part I

2010-04-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

There's an inner critic in all of us! Some are just louder and meaner. You can talk back to your critic. Once you understand that your "inner critic" is scared for you; you can learn to soothe the inner critic's fears and send it packing! Practice saying kind things to yourself...

Ilissa

You know how sometimes you mean to do something but somehow it never happens? Or you have a goal, but seem to keep doing the opposite? In February I suggested thinking of an “objecting part” of you that feels differently about your conscious goal, worrying that doing that thing, reaching that goal might make things worse for you in ways your conscious mind isn’t considering. The “objecting part” speaks through sabotage rather than words. (Check out “Getting Unstuck in Eating Disorder Recovery by Befriending Objecting Parts” to learn more.)

Objecting parts are examples of parts of your mind that have a purpose, that is, they are trying to do something important for you. The objecting part’s purpose is to put on the brakes when it has doubts or fears, sometimes unconscious ones, about the direction you’re heading. Your eating disorder probably includes a number of parts with a purpose. For instance, you’ve probably got a part that has cued you to go straight into eating disorder behavior when difficult emotions pop up. Read More>>>

Live In The Moment? How Do You Do THAT?

2010-04-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

Many people are so concerned about what might happen in the future that they miss out on enjoying what's going on in the moment. Read on and learn tips for staying in the moment!

Ilissa

“It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.”

When people suggest that I “live in the moment” I understand the concept and can recognize the value (I read and loved Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power Of Now”). But I secretly wonder, “How on earth do you really do that?”

Yesterday, I spent one of the last glorious days of summer lazing on the beach with a dear friend. We were basking in the final rays of the afternoon sun when the conversation turned to his single status. He shared with me that an old girlfriend, currently married was potentially about to be single again. Knowing he had a “thing” for this woman in the past, and a desire to be in a relationship now, I was all over the “potential” that they may yet end up together.

Sensing his overt lack of enthusiasm over my colorfully painted vision of his future, I asked him what was up; to which he replied, “I don’t live in the past or the future, I live in the moment”. Read More>>>

Ten Tips (+1) on Coping with Stress and Anxiety

2010-04-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

On a scale from 1-10 with 10 being the worst; rate your anxiety this week. If it's above a 5 or feels real uncomfortable; try these tips. After a week or two of using these tips, recalculate your anxiety scale to see if there has been some improvement.

Ilissa

Anxiety is a signal our mind and body gives us that danger is near. The danger may come from internal or external sources. We feel the press of living through the stresses we experience. Stress is cumulative, as it draws upon our personal and physical resources. Different people have individual tolerances for higher-than-normal levels of stress and anxiety. When feeling over-burdened, excessive stress and anxiety can lead to lowered self-esteem and depression. In such a situation, the goal of psychotherapy is to validate your emotional experience, adjust the negative self-assessment engendered by emotional overload, and help you find the path of support and positive developmental change. Often, anxiety and stress are heightened by being caught between untenable choices in life, or between people we love (or even, sometimes, fear). These problems can be explored and understood in psychotherapy.
Below are some tips about what many have found to be at least temporarily useful coping skills for living with stress and anxiety. They are not foolproof. If you are feeling very distressed and your life is suffering, there is no substitute to talking with a professional.Read More>>>

Binge Eating Disorder: The Emotional Roots of a Physical Condition

2010-04-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

Something happened this morning in a nondescript "multipurpose room" on the campus of Pace University that could end up saving (literally) tens of thousands of lives. The Stop Obesity Alliance, the National Eating Disorders Association and key members of the mass media--three groups which, throughout the years have often been at loggerheads--got together for a long overdue talk. The subject? How the three groups can come together for the greatest good and talk about weight and health in a new, better way. I was there, in part, because I'm kind of a walking, breathing chimera of all three groups. I am recovered from binge eating disorder (BED) and obesity (I weighed 225 pounds during college, when my bingeing was at its worst), and I'm also a long-time health editor at Glamour magazine.

I've covered the health risks of obesity, smart nutrition and healthy weight loss--among many other women's health topics--for years. And, perhaps because of my personal history of BED, have often wondered why (oh God, why?) more obesity research and discussion of the obesity epidemic didn't focus on "disordered" eating. Of course obesity isn't an eating disorder, but it's undeniable that many people who are obese have one! Read More>>>

Eating Disorders in College

2010-03-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

Each year eating disorders continue to be on the rise among college students. When entering college, people experience many different feelings and emotions. Some may feel excited about finally being able to start studying towards the career of their choice and feel hopeful about their future. They may be looking forward to their freedom and a chance to experience independence. They may be excited about having a chance to meet people and develop new friendships. Others may not experience those same feelings and may not be ready to enter into such an environment. The thought of being on their own and having to be independent can be very frightening. They may feel uncertain about their future and fear becoming an adult and taking on the extra responsibilities. Having to meet people and develop new friendships can also be frightening. They may fear they will not be accepted or fit in. Some may not even want to be in college. They may have been pressured into going there by their parents. All though college can be a wonderful experience for people, for some, it can be one of the worst. Read More>>>

The Media, Culture, and Society

2010-03-26T01:19:00.000-07:00

The media plays a significant role in contributing to the number of women and even men who will develop an eating disorder. Western culture and society tells us we must look a certain way. Parents often communicate these messages to their young children without realizing the pressure this imposes.

When we watch television or read a magazine we are constantly bombarded with images of beautiful women/men. How many of us are aware that these photos are touched up? How can we even compare and know what is real? Are you aware that these images were created to sell products and make money? Are you going to buy in or are you going to create your own sense of style and beauty?

Certain professions, like gymnastics create terrible pressure to maintain a certain kind of body shape and weight and often lead individuals to engage in disordered eating.

The media and society are not the only causes of eating disorders. I think that a person who is predisposed to low self-esteem will be at a higher risk of being negatively influenced by the media and society. How do you feel about yourself? Are you trying to live up to some unrealistic standard that is simply leaving you feeling like you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough? Have you asked yourself if you are good enough on the inside?

Ilissa

Okay, so we all want to hear how Calvin Klein is the culprit and that the emaciated waif look has caused women to tale-spin into the world of Eating Disorders. While the images of child-like women has obviously contributed to an increased obsession to be thin, and we can't deny the media influence on eating disorders, there's a lot more to it than that. With approximately six billion people in the world, and a mere ten million of them suffering with some type of disordered eating (.18% of the overall population -- less than a ¼ of 1%), the media obviously doesn't cause everyone to develop Anorexia, Bulimia or Compulsive Overeating. (Current statistics indicated that approximately one in every one hundred teenage girls may develop an Eating Disorder).

It is a lot more complex than blaming the media.
The media most certainly contributes to dieting and size discrimination
but Eating Disorders are NOT Diets!

From early-on children are taught by society that their looks matter. Think of the three and four year old who is continuously praised for being "oh so cute". Read More>>>

"We Can Let Go of the Past, and of the Future"

2010-03-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

This week's blog is a follow up to last week's blog; "Let Go of Control" and learn to trust the journey. This week, I am sharing exercises that when practiced regularly, can help you to get "unstuck" from your need to have control all the time.
Please leave a comment regarding your experience with these exercises!

Ilissa

The difference between theory and experience generally lies in practice, and this is certainly true of Attitudinal Healing. Try to do one of the following personal practice exercises each day (but not more than once per waking hour). Most are five-minute exercises, but you may extend them to 15 minutes if you are comfortable with them. Try not to judge yourself for failing, or for doing them imperfectly, or for being distracted while doing them. Nevertheless, be willing to make an effort, and give them enough priority in your day to make the practice effective. In fact, it is your own "little willingness" that sparks the changes we come to know as "healing".

Practice Exercises:

"We Can Let Go of the Past, and of the Future"
• Individual Exercise:

As a tool for organizing our life, "control" is a useful thing. But when we use the past to "control" our life, we often block our own healthful growth. "Letting go" is the antidote to unhealthful control, and hence we get the principle: "We can let go of the past, and of the future." For five minutes at the beginning of your day, sit quietly in a quiet place. Read More>>>

Let Go of Control

2010-03-08T03:03:00.000-08:00

Some of us live in a kind of box, although invisible. Some of us find comfort in controlling our environment. Usually it’s because childhood or some other trauma was chaotic or frightening. Unfortunately, living this way keeps us from experiencing life to the fullest. For some of us it is difficult and scary to let go of control. Here are some exercises, that when used consistently can help an individual to learn to let go of some control and allow in some pleasure and spontaneity.

Keep the image of you riding on the horse in your head!

Ilissa

Exploring is hard work. Sometimes it can put you in a funk.
For instance, I lost all of my physical energy yesterday afternoon. I mean all. Pretending it was a cold; I put myself to bed and slept 12 hours of bad-dream-induced sleep and woke up wondering why. Why was I doing all this change on purpose and to myself? Where was I going? What was I doing? What was the point?

The path is in love of self – compassion for self.

So I gave myself a little compassion.

Here’s what I saw: The giver is the One, the greater self within yourself. The receiver is the Other. That's you, too.

The path, I saw, is with the giver. The path is the creative force. The path is not the result: the clean house, the new career, the healthy family. Read more>>>

Building a Better Body Image

2010-02-28T07:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, our society is obsessed with looks! That doesn't mean you have to buy into it. You decide what's beautiful! I truly believe that there are all kinds of beauty. I see it every day on the street.

What's the point of feeling beautiful on the outside if there's no substance inside? I wonder which comes first, self-esteem or beauty.

Please read on to learn more about body image. I challenge you this week to find one or two things that you like about your looks. Try to stop mirror checking. You look just fine. Maybe when you do look in the mirror you might practice saying, not bad...

Ilissa

Our society is obsessed with looks and weight, but that does not mean we have to passively accept the negative messages we receive about our bodies. In addition to the important tips listed in the book, here are other ways to empower yourself:

Experiment with what weight feels comfortable to you, rather than trying primarily to be thin. Find your “set point,” a weight where your body feels comfortable and will fight to remain. Accept weight variations throughout the life cycle.

Most of us judge each of our body parts individually -- my thighs are too fat, my breasts too droopy, my lips too thick. Try experiencing your body as a whole, rather than as separate parts that need improvement. Read more>>>

Recovering from an Eating Disorder

2010-02-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

Who will I be if I give up my eating disorder? What will my identity be? Sound familiar? Too familiar?? I know who you'll be. You'll be the best of you. The parts that remained undeveloped because of some sort of trauma or emotional neglect.

Find your passion and create a new identity, one that is engaged in life. I don't mean to make it seem easy, it's not! But, if you work with a professional and perhaps join a support group as well; you may find the knowledge and safety you need to become the person that you were meant to be.

The Road to Recovery - Healing from your Eating Disorder

Becoming connected and comfortable with your body, yourself, and your decisions.

The immense journey.
Are you at a point in your life where you really want to be free of your eating disorder? Perhaps it still is a friend to you but your family or friends are insisting that you get help. Whether you have been restricting, bulimic, or compulsively eating, your personal stories have a striking similarity in the real emotional pain you feel. I understand your pain and how difficult it may be to trust that there is a way out. After all, you struggle with trusting your own body so how could you trust others or believe in possibilities? Perhaps you spend so much time trying to be perfect in every way that you are left feeling exhausted. But of course you can’t quite be perfect enough to satisfy that hungry inner critic that constantly tells you that you are not good enough. So you may be left feeling empty inside. Do you have an over active mind that constantly is analyzing you and your life? Do you believe that people would not like you if they really knew you? Perhaps life seems like an endless struggle that you have been caught up in for so long, you really do not know who you are anymore. So how could you possibly feel happy when you are so afraid of becoming “fat?” Read More>>>

Biological Causes of Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa

2010-02-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true that eating disorders may develop from environmental influences. However, there are biological predispositions to having an eating disorder. For those individuals who are hard on themselves (all of you!) about having an eating disorder; this article will help you to understand the biochemical influences that predispose you to this kind of condition. Put that together with a dysfunctional family environment and you have a breeding ground for an eating disorder to develop. Information can be very freeing. Read on...

Ilissa

Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa affect millions of people each year in the United States (1). Popular thought holds that these disorders are caused by women trying to fulfill a culturally imposed ideal body image which stresses thinness. As anorexia and bulimia have proven difficult to treat solely with a psychological-based treatment plan it is likely that there are many factors contributing to these disorders. Research has shown, however, that there is a significant biological component which leads to a manifestation of these disorders (2). Current ideas on the biological origins of anorexia and bulimia will be explored in this paper. These include areas ranging from genetic factors to neurotransmitter and hormone imbalances. Genetics appears to play a significant role in predisposing a person to developing an eating disorder. Abnormal neurotransmitter levels have been shown to exist in people with both bulimia and anorexia. Hormone functioning and levels are also atypical in people with eating disorders. While most studies focus on one area, and usually on just one neurotransmitter or hormone, the different biological causes of eating disorders seem to be related to one another. How these possible biological causes influences the I-function (which is the term for the components of the nervous system which give a sense of being oneself) will be examined as well in this paper. Anorexia nervosa is described as a disorder in which women and men intentionally starve themselves, losing at least fifteen percent of their normal body weight. This self imposed emaciation usually begins during puberty and is most common among middle to upper class Caucasian women, affecting one percent of the US population (1). Amenorrhea, the cessation of the normal menstrual cycle is a common occurrence among anorexic women. There is a tremendous discord between actual weight and perceived body weight. While the woman may feel fat she is actually excessively underweight. "When she came in for consultation she looked like a walking skeleton. Alma insisted that she looked fine and that there was nothing wrong with her being so skinny. 'I enjoy having this disease and I want it. I cannot convince myself that I am sick and that there is anything from which I have to recover." (3)

Bulimia nervosa is a related disorder which... Read More>>>

Eating Disorders - What's Your Inner Child's Story - Choose to Be a Hero, Heroine

2010-02-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

Writing holds great power in any situation. Documenting your life is a good way to think back, understand past experiences better, and hopefully help to put the puzzle pieces of your life together.

I always have my clients tell me their life story. Processing past experiences can be very healing and allows you to write the rest of your story going forward with awareness of your history. Get your pad and paper out, set a time each day and start writing! Start your story at the beginning when you were first born. Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl/boy...

Ilissa

There is power in writing and telling your story because it helps you discover and begin healing your inner child. This can then lead to healing your eating disorder or other painful behaviors. What are you going to choose, victim consciousness or hero/heroine?

I was lost in the freezing cold -I couldn't breathe- I was underwater -thrashing. This image haunted me in a way that I could never understand. I only feared men and any anger they displayed in the slightest twitch of their lips or jaw. In my subconscious, unknown to me, this memory ruled every interaction I ever had with men.

In my early 40's I did intuitive drawings that revealed an image of a toddler drowning underwater. Trekking deeper into my past, as I wrote my story I found this; the memory of my father who was an alcoholic still in the backwoods of the Olympic Rainforest bordering the Puget Sound Bay. He had been drinking and had taken my older brother and myself in a small rowboat to fish. I had said something that angered him and he hit the side of my head tumbling me into the frigid cold northwest waters. Read More>>>

If You Really Knew Me You'd Know That...

2010-01-31T12:38:00.000-08:00

I really like this list. People with eating disorders think they have to keep big secrets about who they really are otherwise no one will like them. See which statements you relate to and if you feel safe, try sharing this list with some safe and significant person in your life. You probably will find out that you are not a terrible person but simply human. Letting others know who you are increases your chance of having your needs met. The other person just may decide to take a risk and own some items on this list too!
Ilissa

If you really knew me, you'd know that...

1. I desperately want to be accepted
2. I am afraid of not winning this battle
3. Just now I am figuring out who I am
4. I have a hard time with the concept of forgiving
5. I smile all the time because I don't know what else to do
6. I am starting to become comfortable with the idea that I am ordinary and that there's nothing wrong with that
7. My eating disorder is not the problem; it's the symptom of my real problems
8. Sometimes I just want you to listen, not talk, not interrupt, not offer advice or suggestions. Sometimes all I want is you to sit there and listen and to feel like I have been heard
9. Sometimes the weight of my sadness is bone-crushing, like the pressure of water down deep
10. I hurt myself because it's the only feeling (pain) that I can stand to feel
Read More>>>

Make Your Own Coping Bank

2010-01-24T16:19:00.000-08:00

After you've seen your therapist; hopefully you feel good about yourself and reenergized about your recovery. However, at home it's not as easy to deal with feelings and act on new behaviors. That’s why I like the Coping Bank! Being prepared is always a good idea when dealing with an eating disorder.
Ilissa

We take the money we earn and put it in the bank for when we need it. We take the monetary gifts we get from others and sock it away in our piggy banks or bank accounts for a rainy day or for times of need.

A Coping Bank is the same -- we take what we learn about coping alternatives and put them away, in the backs of our minds, for when we needs them. But during recovery that can be difficult, and during times of crisis it's often hard to think of what we should do. Make your own Coping Bank and you can go and make a withdrawal when you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, confused (etc.) and in need of healthy ways to handle it.

How to do it: Read More>>>

Sexual Abuse & Eating Disorders Why Precious has an Eating Disorder

2010-01-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

It is common for an individual who struggles with an eating disorder to have experienced sexual abuse. Sometimes we think if we cover our body up with layers of fat, that no one will notice us and we won't have to deal with the feelings that are triggered. The film Precious illustrates this phenomenon perfectly. I suggest you see it.
Ilissa

There are many reasons to see the movie Precious. Rarely does a movie devastate and uplift you at the exact same moment. It will leave you reeling emotionally. In a nutshell, it is a movie set in 1987 Harlem about an overweight, illiterate, African American teenager who is a victim of incest. Among many things, it is a story of perseverance and survival. It also gives us a raw look at the connection between abuse and eating problems.

Precious' excessive weight and eating plays a central role in the movie. Aspects of the story help illuminate many of the reasons emotional, physical, and particularly sexual abuse, are risk factors for eating disorders.* Abuse isn't a "cause." Instead, it puts someone at a higher likelihood of having eating issues (there are many biological and social factors that play a part as well). This includes anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder as well as emotional eating, obesity and body image dissatisfaction. Thus, it is no surprise that Precious, who was sexually abused by her father, struggles with her weight, body and eating.

Sexual abuse violates a person's body and personal boundaries. Read More>>>

Enhancing Male Body Image

2010-01-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

Eating Disorders are not exclusive to women. Males struggle with ed and suffer from negative body image as well. Below is a list of concepts to build a positive body image. Review this page daily for a week and try doing some of the exercises. Feel free to leave a comment describing your experience.
Ilissa

Recognize that bodies come in all different shapes and sizes. There is no one "right" body size. Your body is not, and should not, be exactly like anyone else's. Try to see your body as a facet of your uniqueness and individuality.

Focus on the qualities in yourself that you like that are not related to appearance. Spend time developing these capacities rather than letting your appearance define your identity and your worth.

Look critically at advertisements that push the “body building” message. Our culture emphasizes the V-shaped muscular body shape as the ideal for men. Magazines targeted at men tend to focus on articles and advertisements promoting weight lifting, body building or muscle toning. Do you know men who have muscular, athletic bodies but who are not happy? Are there dangers in spending too much time focusing on your body? Consider giving up your goal of achieving the “perfect” male body and work at accepting your body just the way it is.

Remember... Read More>>>

Body Dysmorphic Disorder: When the Mirror Lies

2010-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

When an individual is struggling with Body Dysmorphic disorder they imagine that they have a flaw or defect in one or more of their physical features. Others may not see ths but it is very real to the individual. Read the article below to learn more about this disorder.
Ilissa

No matter how much weight is lost, or no matter how much food is thrown up, the person with anorexia or bulimia will constantly see the same overweight, vile, failure in the mirror. This typically leads to very destructive and even deadly methods of weight loss in a desperate attempt to lose the distorted perception - in this case, fat (failure). It is very hard, though, for anyone that does not have an eating disorder to be able to understand just how someone could do this to themselves - go through hospitilizations and near death experiences even - but continually see themselves so distorted. Even though Body Dysmorphic disorder isn't just shown in cases of eating disorders (someone afflicted with BDD can obsess not about weight, but instead about their hair, nose, chest, etc.), it still hurts and ruins the lives of whoever is afflicted with it.

At one time or another we all worry about our appearance, but when you wake up degrading your nose, hair, chest, WEIGHT, etc. and then continuing to have these thoughts all day, that's when there is a problem. Closely linked to other disorders and psychiatric conditions, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (termed shortly BDD) is a serious disorder that is growing fast. People that suffer from BDD not only dislike some aspect of how they look, they're preoccupied severely with it. Most get to the point where it is very hard to go outside or sit down comfortably, or go to work and talk to others, without thinking the self-degrading thoughts about their flaws. The thoughts soon over take the person's mind and it is all he/she can think about. Read More>>>

The Many Causes of Eating Disorders

2009-12-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

Anorexia and bulimia are very complicated disorders, and different people can develop eating disorders for different reasons. That is, while many individuals with eating disorders think and act in very similar ways, the reasons they have these thoughts and actions can be quite different.

Although many people view these behaviors as self-destructive acts, most individuals who develop eating disorders do not usually perceive their behaviors as self-harmful. Actually, most patients feel that they began the behaviors to try to fix other problems. The most common reason therapists hear from people about why they began self-starvation, bingeing or purging is that at some point they felt terribly out of control -- whether because of something they were feeling inside themselves or something that was happening to them from their outside environment.

Following are some of the most common causes of eating disorders. Read More>>>

Eating Disorders and the Media

2009-12-20T10:12:00.001-08:00

Okay, so we all want to hear how Calvin Klein is the culprit and that the emaciated waif look has caused women to tale-spin into the world of Eating Disorders. While the images of child-like women has obviously contributed to an increased obsession to be thin, and we can't deny the media influence on eating disorders, there's a lot more to it than that. With approximately six billion people in the world, and a mere ten million of them suffering with some type of disordered eating (.18% of the overall population -- less than a ¼ of 1%), the media obviously doesn't cause everyone to develop Anorexia, Bulimia or Compulsive Overeating. (Current statistics indicated that approximately one in every one hundred teenage girls may develop an Eating Disorder).

It is a lot more complex than blaming the media.
The media most certainly contributes to dieting and size discrimination but Eating Disorders are NOT Diets!

From early-on children are taught by society that their looks matter. Think of the three and four year old who is continuously praised for being "oh so cute". With an increased population of children who spend a lot of time in front of television, there are more of them coming up with a superficial sense of who they are. Images on T.V. spend countless hours telling us to lose weight, be thin and beautiful, buy more stuff because people will like us and we'll be better people for it. Programming on the tube rarely depicts men and women with "average" body-types or crappy clothes, ingraining in the back of all our minds that this is the type of life we want. Overweight characters are typically portrayed as lazy, the one with no friends, or "the bad guy", while thin women and pumped-up men are the successful, popular, sexy and powerful ones. How can we tell our children that it's what's inside that counts, when the media continuously contradicts this message? Read More>>>

Issues for Men with Eating Disorders

2009-12-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

We don't hear as much about men with eating disorders. That's because most don't seek out help. Perhaps there is a stigma attached; eating disorders, a woman’s disease. Truthfully, there aren't as many treatment centers for men. Many of the causes for the eating disorder are the same for men and women. However, men will have more specific issues related to pressures exclusive to the male gender. Please read the article below to learn more about men's eating disorders. I encourage any male to seek out help for their disordered eating and/or poor body image.

The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders, including Eating Disorders in Males, is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.

It is estimated that 8 million people in the United States are suffering from an Eating Disorder, and of that number 10% are men. Personally, I am guessing that the percentage suffering that are men is far higher, but because of the old fashioned idea that this illness strikes only women, few men come forward to find the help they deserve.

Right from its inception, this whole site has always been aimed at addressing Eating Disorders in everyone, but there are some issues that are specific to the male eating disorder community. As with all sufferers there has always been, and still is, an element of shame in being someone with an Eating Disorder ("I'm disgusting", "look at what I do to myself", "people will think I'm crazy", etc.), but for men and the old misconception that they cannot suffer from an Eating Disorder, the shame they face is often worse.

According to Arnold Andersen and the research he did for his book Males with Eating Disorders, while women who develop Eating Disorders feel fat before the onset of their disordered eating behaviors, typically they are near average weight. Men are more typically overweight medically before the development of the disorder. In addition, men who are binge eaters or compulsive overeaters may go undiagnosed more than women because of society's willingness to accept an overeating and/or overweight man more-so than an overeating or overweight woman.

Read More >

The Fat Fight

2009-11-23T14:41:00.000-08:00

Mother daughter relationships can be tricky but especially when you are struggling with weight and body image issues. The article I have chosen this week tells the story of a mother's anxiety and obsession with her daughter's body size and weight. While you read look specifically for the distorted thinking of the mother and how this negatively affects her daughter.

- Ilissa

What's the most treacherous ground for a mother and daughter to navigate?
Robin Marantz Henig and daughter Jess Zimmerman weigh in.

The Mother's Story
"I wanted to spare her pain."

Watching my daughter belly dance last year brought tears to my eyes. Jess was 28 at the time, and she was splendid. She wore a costume of bright blue and a gold hip scarf with jiggling coins. Her midriff—also jiggling—was bare. She was graceful in her shimmies, graceful with her arms, graceful when she flicked her naked feet. I loved watching her.

All the years of sitting through the plays of Jess's childhood came back to me, plays in which she spoke her lines in a sweet, clear voice but could never get over the awkwardness of being herself. I had thought that at the heart of Jess's discomfort, on stage and off, was the fact that she felt bad about being fat. Yet everything I did to spare her insecurity about her weight turned out to be a source of pain for her—and a thorn at the heart of our relationship that we're still trying delicately to extract.

Read More >

Surviving Thanksgiving With an Eating Disorder

2009-11-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

Yup, Thanksgiving is going to trigger all kinds of emotions no matter what your eating disordered behavior is. Actually, all the holiday meals can be difficult. For some, family time is stressful. In that case you can focus on self-care and set boundaries with others. It’s all about being mindful. Pop in for a pre- holiday session and we can prepare for your holiday events or sign up for a group around the holidays. Mostly, take control of your holiday so that you can enjoy it. Don’t listen to the shoulds and don’t worry about what others may think of you. Who knows? Who cares! You’re a grown up and you deserve to be happy. You more than deserve… Find your voice and create “your” kind of holiday…

What makes Thanksgiving so hard to handle when a person has an eating disorder? Some problems are obvious, and some not so much, but any discussion of Thanksgiving and eating disorders obviously must begin with food.

Thanksgiving Food a Natural Problem With Eating Disorders

The massive Thanksgiving spread is clearly an issue for a person with an eating disorder.

For someone with anorexia nervosa, large quantities of food increase anxiety. There's more opportunity to eat, and eating is considered the enemy. So the pressure is on. The internal reaction is, "How can I avoid eating, and how can I look as though I'm eating when I'm not?"

Binge-eating disorder poses different problems. Chances are that there are foods present that can easily trigger a binge. Often, there is an effort not to eat too much while knowing how easy it might be to binge. Naturally, this creates tension. In my own work with clients who binge, I've seen people who struggle with binge eating have fairly normal meals at the big gathering, and then go home and eat large amounts of food. This relieves the tension (though it also leads to feeling terrible).

In addition to binging, a person with bulimia nervosa will often be concerned with how to eat enough to create a binge, and then to make sure that there is easy access to a place (usually a bathroom) to purge.

Read More >

"You're fat", "You're disgusting", "You don't deserve to eat", "you're worthless", You deserve to die"

2009-10-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

I want to share this article with you. It gives you a better understanding of the automatic negative messages that run through your head all the time, every day. Many of the messages we tell ourselves were told to us by significant others when we were a child. We have internalized these messages, so that we actually believe these thoughts are true and now we repeat these statements to ourselves over and over again. It’s time to challenge these beliefs!

By Colleen Thompson
The voices of an eating disorder, a never ending dialogue that plays inside the mind of a person suffering with an eating disorder. Those voices and the cruel words they speak are with a person from the minute they wake up, until the minute they fall asleep. They encourage their victims continue to abuse their bodies through starvation, bingeing, purging and other dangerous methods of weight control, and can bring them to the brink of death.

Whenever you read about eating disorders or hear people talking about them, you usually hear about the eating disorder behaviors or the emotional issues causing them. It is not very often you hear people talk about the voices that go along with having an eating disorder. I feel it is very important to talk about those voices because they do play a big role in keeping the eating disorder active. They convince us that we are worthless, unlovable, fat, ugly, disgusting, hopeless, and so much more. They convince us that the world would be better off without us and that we deserve to die.

Most eating disorder sufferers are too afraid to reveal to anyone that they hear voices inside their heads. In the beginning, I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought I was crazy and assumed whoever I told would feel the same way and have me locked up somewhere. I can now see that I am not crazy and many people with eating disorders do have these voices.

It is very understandable why victims of eating disorders have so much trouble developing self-esteem and finding a reason to live. When you have such negative voices yelling at you constantly, it is hard not to believe what they say. You can never feel good about yourself or the things that you do, because whatever you do is just not good enough for those voices. They will say anything to try and convince you not to eat. They will tell you that someone so horrible does not deserve that food. If you do eat, they are screaming at you to get rid of it. They tell you that you are weak for eating and that if you do not get rid of it, you will surely become fat. They will tell you that no one will love you if you gain weight. These voices are very powerful and their ultimate goal is to destroy you.

Sometimes those voices try to fool you into believing they are really your only friend. They will convince you that you cannot live without them. They will promise you that wonderful things will happen, but only if you listen to them. They convince you that life will be so wonderful, once you have lost enough weight. Those voices will tell you that if you lose just five more pounds, then you will be happy. I used to believe those voices, but no matter how much weight I lost, those promises never came true. I was not happy and my life was not perfect. No matter what the scale said, it was never low enough. Those voices lied to me and they are lying to you.

It sometimes surprises me that we do not hear more discussions about the voices that are constantly playing inside the minds of someone suffering with an eating disorder. Those voices are usually present, long before the symptoms of the eating disorder actually appeared. People need to be made aware of these voices and the power that they have, especially the people that are involved in trying to help someone that is suffering. These voices provide the person with the reasons to continue to abuse themselves in the way that they do. It is impossible for someone to destroy these voices on their own. They need help doing that, before those voices have the chance to destroy them.

If you know someone that is suffering with an eating disorder, it is important that you do what you can to help the person free themselves from that negative dialogue they hear constantly. It can be frustrating dealing with someone that is suffering, but you need to be encouraging, supportive, and provide that person with your unconditional love. Do not get angry at the person and do not yell at them. Do not make them feel guilty for having a problem or tell them that they are destroying the family and making your life a living hell. Even though you are very concerned about the person, do not make them feel bad by telling them that you are losing sleep over it.

Even though you may have lost a few hours sleep worrying, the people that suffer have probably lost years of their lives to it. By telling them those things, you will in fact be giving those voices even more power. They will tell the person that since they cause so much problems for other people and upset them, then they really do not deserve to eat. They only deserve to die. Those voices they hear are negative enough, but having the people around them saying negative things only makes it worse. How can someone make progress and get better, if all they hear are negative messages?

In order to help someone that is suffering, you need to break into that negative dialogue they hear constantly. The person needs to hear good things about themselves. You need to point out the positive things and stop focusing on the eating disorder behaviors. Encourage them to talk about what those voices are saying and help to show them that they are wrong and only lying to them. They need to know that they are in fact wonderful people that do not deserve to live this way and they especially need to know that you love them. They probably will not believe any positive things about themselves in the beginning, but the more they hear it, the more likely they are to start listening to what you say. They will then slowly develop a will to live and they will begin fighting against those voices.

It takes a long time to destroy those voices, but it can be done. It is also important for everyone suffering to know that they do have a choice about whether or not to listen to those voices. No matter what they say, you do not have to listen to them. Remember that they only lie to you and you can go against them. The more you do that, the weaker they become. It is not easy to go against those voices, but you do have the power within yourself to do it. You will not always succeed in going against them, but remain determined not to let them win. Recovery takes a long time, but one day you will be able to live the happy, healthy life that you deserve and you will be able to silence those voices forever.

A Peek Inside Group Therapy...

2009-09-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

I wanted to let you know that we will be starting up a new Eating Disorder and Body Image Group soon. The last group that I facilitated was very special. The women were warm and supportive and became close friends easily.

Individuals with eating disorders tend to have difficulty identifying their feelings. Most of our meetings begin with a “Feelings Round”. Each person shares 3 feelings that they are having in that present moment. If you struggle with that, I have a nice big list of feelings to choose from! After that, I ask the women if anyone needs time to share and I take down names.

The first part of group is spent on psychoeducation. Here we discuss anything we have read that we relate to or have a question about. Women interact with one another during this time in respectful ways. After that, anyone who wishes to share gets their chance!

The group is made up of women who are 20 years of age and older. All eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating, Compulsive Overeating, or somewhere in between) are welcome because experiences and feelings and thoughts are very similar across the board. It doesn’t matter which eating disordered behavior you choose as a coping skill.

I have seen every woman in my group show growth in their thinking and behavior. In fact, when new members join, I always listen as the older members share how the group has helped them. Group therapy is a wonderful way to find support for your eating disorder. Listening to others share is always so comforting and validating of our own issues. For your confidentiality, we sign a contract stating that “whatever goes on in group, stays in group”.

If you are looking for support with your eating disorder, please feel free to call for more information. We can arrange a meeting at no charge to talk and see if you would like to join the group.

You are only a phone call away from belonging to a supportive family-like group!

Bulimia and Isolation

2009-09-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

I want to share this article with you. Isolation affects those struggling with bulimia and it also can be an issue for those living with anorexia nervosa, and/or compulsive overeating.

Bulimia and Isolation: Purge Your Food, Purge Your Friends
By Matthew Tiemeyer, www.About.com

Where there's bulimia, isolation isn't far behind. A person's sociability really doesn't matter; the dynamics of bulimia practically force isolation to emerge. Bulimia brings many factors that erode relationships and leave a struggler alone with only the eating disorder as a companion.

Bulimia's Rituals Mandate Isolation
One study subjectively examined the lives of 13 women with active bulimia; concluding that all 13 experienced isolation. Another study suggested that its participants lived "double lives," bound in secrecy. What drives those with bulimia away from those who care for them -- or vice versa?

Most obviously, nobody relishes the idea of inviting a friend to come over and watch a binging and purging episode. The binging/purging process becomes intensely personal, steeped in powerful rituals. The rituals require that the person be alone, even if the whole process takes hours (going to the store to buy food, preparing it, eating, etc).

Bulimia's Choice: Be Isolated or Feel Panic
The eating disorder demands single-minded attention, so the plan becomes to avoid the complications other people create. Social interaction means a loss of control over the person's immediate environment, which can be frightening. Often, a simple dinner invitation creates a sense of panic that leads to a surge of anxious thoughts: "Is it a loud restaurant where no one could hear me purge? Can I get away from the table with no one suspecting? Is there any chance that I'll have to eat without purging? What if everyone else orders food that's hard to throw up and I feel as though I have to order something similar? Won't I stand out too much if I don't?"
The list of potential problems is endless. Instead, many with bulimia will often say, "No thanks; I can't go to dinner tonight." The relief outweighs the lost social contact.

Bulimia Creates Isolation through Self-Hatred
A person struggling with bulimia generally has a series of messages that go through his (or her) head (as did this eating disorder survivor) telling him that he has no value:

"Come on, who are you kidding? You can't be a friend to that person. I'm the only one who can stand you. Now find some cereal so we can start binging."

"If I could call you something more worthless than worthless, I would."

"It's not going to get better. You can't even get a job at a coffee stand. I'm all you've got."

The theme rages: The person "hears" that he is of no value to himself, let alone others. I believe that this reduces motivation for moving toward someone else in friendship, since the assumption is that a potential friend will discover the person's "badness" and reject him.

Depression in Bulimia Feeds Isolation
Depression and bulimia are common partners. When depression takes hold, it reinforces the sense of powerlessness and worthlessness that bulimia tends to cause. The person feels smaller and weaker, and thus less appealing. As the world seems to narrow, there seems to be less room for friends and family.

Returning to Health Requires Contact and Intimacy
It's reported that 6% of those with bulimia seek mental health care. Choosing to get help is a hard decision to make: Treatment means telling someone else what's going on and eliminating some of the isolation.

Antidepressants can provide a boost here by loosening the hold of the feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness. In some cases, bringing these under control makes intimacy less anxiety-filled and more inviting.

One further step is to become involved in a recovery group of some form -- whether a formal therapy group, a support group, or a 12-step group like Eating Disorders Anonymous. When a group has good ground rules (that is, rules that don't reinforce disordered eating behaviors); finding out that others have similar struggles can be a huge boost in recovery.