I wanted to let you know that we will be starting up a new Eating Disorder and Body Image Group soon. The last group that I facilitated was very special. The women were warm and supportive and became close friends easily.
Individuals with eating disorders tend to have difficulty identifying their feelings. Most of our meetings begin with a “Feelings Round”. Each person shares 3 feelings that they are having in that present moment. If you struggle with that, I have a nice big list of feelings to choose from! After that, I ask the women if anyone needs time to share and I take down names.
The first part of group is spent on psychoeducation. Here we discuss anything we have read that we relate to or have a question about. Women interact with one another during this time in respectful ways. After that, anyone who wishes to share gets their chance!
The group is made up of women who are 20 years of age and older. All eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating, Compulsive Overeating, or somewhere in between) are welcome because experiences and feelings and thoughts are very similar across the board. It doesn’t matter which eating disordered behavior you choose as a coping skill.
I have seen every woman in my group show growth in their thinking and behavior. In fact, when new members join, I always listen as the older members share how the group has helped them. Group therapy is a wonderful way to find support for your eating disorder. Listening to others share is always so comforting and validating of our own issues. For your confidentiality, we sign a contract stating that “whatever goes on in group, stays in group”.
If you are looking for support with your eating disorder, please feel free to call for more information. We can arrange a meeting at no charge to talk and see if you would like to join the group.
You are only a phone call away from belonging to a supportive family-like group!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Bulimia and Isolation
I want to share this article with you. Isolation affects those struggling with bulimia and it also can be an issue for those living with anorexia nervosa, and/or compulsive overeating.
Bulimia and Isolation: Purge Your Food, Purge Your Friends
By Matthew Tiemeyer, www.About.com
Where there's bulimia, isolation isn't far behind. A person's sociability really doesn't matter; the dynamics of bulimia practically force isolation to emerge. Bulimia brings many factors that erode relationships and leave a struggler alone with only the eating disorder as a companion.
Bulimia's Rituals Mandate Isolation
One study subjectively examined the lives of 13 women with active bulimia; concluding that all 13 experienced isolation. Another study suggested that its participants lived "double lives," bound in secrecy. What drives those with bulimia away from those who care for them -- or vice versa?
Most obviously, nobody relishes the idea of inviting a friend to come over and watch a binging and purging episode. The binging/purging process becomes intensely personal, steeped in powerful rituals. The rituals require that the person be alone, even if the whole process takes hours (going to the store to buy food, preparing it, eating, etc).
Bulimia's Choice: Be Isolated or Feel Panic
The eating disorder demands single-minded attention, so the plan becomes to avoid the complications other people create. Social interaction means a loss of control over the person's immediate environment, which can be frightening. Often, a simple dinner invitation creates a sense of panic that leads to a surge of anxious thoughts: "Is it a loud restaurant where no one could hear me purge? Can I get away from the table with no one suspecting? Is there any chance that I'll have to eat without purging? What if everyone else orders food that's hard to throw up and I feel as though I have to order something similar? Won't I stand out too much if I don't?"
The list of potential problems is endless. Instead, many with bulimia will often say, "No thanks; I can't go to dinner tonight." The relief outweighs the lost social contact.
Bulimia Creates Isolation through Self-Hatred
A person struggling with bulimia generally has a series of messages that go through his (or her) head (as did this eating disorder survivor) telling him that he has no value:
"Come on, who are you kidding? You can't be a friend to that person. I'm the only one who can stand you. Now find some cereal so we can start binging."
"If I could call you something more worthless than worthless, I would."
"It's not going to get better. You can't even get a job at a coffee stand. I'm all you've got."
The theme rages: The person "hears" that he is of no value to himself, let alone others. I believe that this reduces motivation for moving toward someone else in friendship, since the assumption is that a potential friend will discover the person's "badness" and reject him.
Depression in Bulimia Feeds Isolation
Depression and bulimia are common partners. When depression takes hold, it reinforces the sense of powerlessness and worthlessness that bulimia tends to cause. The person feels smaller and weaker, and thus less appealing. As the world seems to narrow, there seems to be less room for friends and family.
Returning to Health Requires Contact and Intimacy
It's reported that 6% of those with bulimia seek mental health care. Choosing to get help is a hard decision to make: Treatment means telling someone else what's going on and eliminating some of the isolation.
Antidepressants can provide a boost here by loosening the hold of the feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness. In some cases, bringing these under control makes intimacy less anxiety-filled and more inviting.
One further step is to become involved in a recovery group of some form -- whether a formal therapy group, a support group, or a 12-step group like Eating Disorders Anonymous. When a group has good ground rules (that is, rules that don't reinforce disordered eating behaviors); finding out that others have similar struggles can be a huge boost in recovery.
Bulimia and Isolation: Purge Your Food, Purge Your Friends
By Matthew Tiemeyer, www.About.com
Where there's bulimia, isolation isn't far behind. A person's sociability really doesn't matter; the dynamics of bulimia practically force isolation to emerge. Bulimia brings many factors that erode relationships and leave a struggler alone with only the eating disorder as a companion.
Bulimia's Rituals Mandate Isolation
One study subjectively examined the lives of 13 women with active bulimia; concluding that all 13 experienced isolation. Another study suggested that its participants lived "double lives," bound in secrecy. What drives those with bulimia away from those who care for them -- or vice versa?
Most obviously, nobody relishes the idea of inviting a friend to come over and watch a binging and purging episode. The binging/purging process becomes intensely personal, steeped in powerful rituals. The rituals require that the person be alone, even if the whole process takes hours (going to the store to buy food, preparing it, eating, etc).
Bulimia's Choice: Be Isolated or Feel Panic
The eating disorder demands single-minded attention, so the plan becomes to avoid the complications other people create. Social interaction means a loss of control over the person's immediate environment, which can be frightening. Often, a simple dinner invitation creates a sense of panic that leads to a surge of anxious thoughts: "Is it a loud restaurant where no one could hear me purge? Can I get away from the table with no one suspecting? Is there any chance that I'll have to eat without purging? What if everyone else orders food that's hard to throw up and I feel as though I have to order something similar? Won't I stand out too much if I don't?"
The list of potential problems is endless. Instead, many with bulimia will often say, "No thanks; I can't go to dinner tonight." The relief outweighs the lost social contact.
Bulimia Creates Isolation through Self-Hatred
A person struggling with bulimia generally has a series of messages that go through his (or her) head (as did this eating disorder survivor) telling him that he has no value:
"Come on, who are you kidding? You can't be a friend to that person. I'm the only one who can stand you. Now find some cereal so we can start binging."
"If I could call you something more worthless than worthless, I would."
"It's not going to get better. You can't even get a job at a coffee stand. I'm all you've got."
The theme rages: The person "hears" that he is of no value to himself, let alone others. I believe that this reduces motivation for moving toward someone else in friendship, since the assumption is that a potential friend will discover the person's "badness" and reject him.
Depression in Bulimia Feeds Isolation
Depression and bulimia are common partners. When depression takes hold, it reinforces the sense of powerlessness and worthlessness that bulimia tends to cause. The person feels smaller and weaker, and thus less appealing. As the world seems to narrow, there seems to be less room for friends and family.
Returning to Health Requires Contact and Intimacy
It's reported that 6% of those with bulimia seek mental health care. Choosing to get help is a hard decision to make: Treatment means telling someone else what's going on and eliminating some of the isolation.
Antidepressants can provide a boost here by loosening the hold of the feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness. In some cases, bringing these under control makes intimacy less anxiety-filled and more inviting.
One further step is to become involved in a recovery group of some form -- whether a formal therapy group, a support group, or a 12-step group like Eating Disorders Anonymous. When a group has good ground rules (that is, rules that don't reinforce disordered eating behaviors); finding out that others have similar struggles can be a huge boost in recovery.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
How to Help a Friend or a Loved One
I was asked by one of my readers, how to support a loved one when they are struggling with an eating disorder. It’s an excellent question and I’ll pose another to my reader, how do you emotionally support yourself living with someone with an eating disorder?
Here are some tips for How to Help a Friend or Loved One
http://something-fishy.org
Eating disorders are very sensitive issues. Many individuals want to help someone they know, but do not know where to begin. Before you try to help someone, be sure to examine your own attitudes about disordered eating. Do you think disordered eating is about any of the following?
It is disgusting
It is for attention
It is behavior to control others
It is a weakness
It is narcissistic
It is about wanting to be thin
Individuals who do it are crazy
If you have any of these feelings about disordered eating, we do not recommend you try to help someone until you educate yourself about eating disorders and explore your own attitudes.
Eating disorders are medical conditions that have mental, emotional and physical complications.
When you understand this, you are in a position to be very helpful to someone struggling in silence.
Remember, this is a health issue!!
These simple steps have been proven to be affective when wanting to help:
Set a time to talk in private and allow for plenty of time
Tell the person what you have observed in behaviors Relate your feelings about these observed behaviors
Let the person talk about your observations and feelings
Avoid conflict and recognize denial and minimization as part of the problem
If the person is resistant, repeat your observations and feelings calmly
Do not place shame, guilt or failure on the person
Avoid giving simple advice
Encourage the person to seek professional help
Offer to help the person locate and make an appointment with a professional
Offer to accompany the person to the appointment
If you have attempted to support your loved one, share your story...
Here are some tips for How to Help a Friend or Loved One
http://something-fishy.org
Eating disorders are very sensitive issues. Many individuals want to help someone they know, but do not know where to begin. Before you try to help someone, be sure to examine your own attitudes about disordered eating. Do you think disordered eating is about any of the following?
It is disgusting
It is for attention
It is behavior to control others
It is a weakness
It is narcissistic
It is about wanting to be thin
Individuals who do it are crazy
If you have any of these feelings about disordered eating, we do not recommend you try to help someone until you educate yourself about eating disorders and explore your own attitudes.
Eating disorders are medical conditions that have mental, emotional and physical complications.
When you understand this, you are in a position to be very helpful to someone struggling in silence.
Remember, this is a health issue!!
These simple steps have been proven to be affective when wanting to help:
Set a time to talk in private and allow for plenty of time
Tell the person what you have observed in behaviors Relate your feelings about these observed behaviors
Let the person talk about your observations and feelings
Avoid conflict and recognize denial and minimization as part of the problem
If the person is resistant, repeat your observations and feelings calmly
Do not place shame, guilt or failure on the person
Avoid giving simple advice
Encourage the person to seek professional help
Offer to help the person locate and make an appointment with a professional
Offer to accompany the person to the appointment
If you have attempted to support your loved one, share your story...
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
How Are You Doing?
Eating disorders are tough. They tend to isolate people and make them feel shameful and guilty about their secretive behaviors and their concern for their health issues.
It is important to find a “safe person”. A safe person is someone who will not judge you and will listen with empathy and support. I believe in privacy, but if you can think of one person that you trust or feel sure enough to take a small risk, and share about yourself; I suggest you try.
You might tell a friend, your partner, a therapist, someone from your church/temple; anyone you choose. Remember, you’re looking for someone who won’t judge you. You will feel so much better when you can feel the love and support from another person!
Together you and this person might gather information about getting help. Perhaps you are already in counseling and this can be your “safe person” outside of counseling.
It’s okay to be who you are and where you're at right now, even if you don’t like it very much.. There are reasons to be explored regarding why and new understandings and choices to make. But give yourself a break! In fact, give yourself a hug, I’m serious, wrap your arms around yourself and hold it long and tight. Tell yourself, I love you just the way you are… Feel good? Do it once a day. I bet you’re much kinder to others than you are to yourself!
You’re a good person and you most likely don’t give yourself enough credit for the things that you do well. Make yourself a list of the things that you like about yourself. I am going to leave you with a list of affirmations that you can print and post around your house this week. Good luck!
Affirmations to Post on the Fridge
1. My worth as a person is not diminished in any way by my body size or my eating patterns.
2. I will love myself no matter what my eating patterns are.
3. I will judge my days not by what or how much I eat, but by the accomplishments I have made and the love I have given.
4. My life is a gift, and I will not let my enjoyment of it be diminished by feeling guilty over my body size or how much I eat.
5. I am finished blaming others, situations, and myself for the way I eat. I will take action minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day until I can eat normally again.
6. My eating disorder is a temporary condition in my life.
7. There is a normal eater within me. I will let her/him take over my life more and more each day as I am ready.
8. I can imagine a life without having an eating disorder.
9. When I feel stressed, I will close my eyes and picture how my all-powerful, normal eater would handle the situation.
10. I believe I will be a normal eater again. I know I will be a normal eater again!
It is important to find a “safe person”. A safe person is someone who will not judge you and will listen with empathy and support. I believe in privacy, but if you can think of one person that you trust or feel sure enough to take a small risk, and share about yourself; I suggest you try.
You might tell a friend, your partner, a therapist, someone from your church/temple; anyone you choose. Remember, you’re looking for someone who won’t judge you. You will feel so much better when you can feel the love and support from another person!
Together you and this person might gather information about getting help. Perhaps you are already in counseling and this can be your “safe person” outside of counseling.
It’s okay to be who you are and where you're at right now, even if you don’t like it very much.. There are reasons to be explored regarding why and new understandings and choices to make. But give yourself a break! In fact, give yourself a hug, I’m serious, wrap your arms around yourself and hold it long and tight. Tell yourself, I love you just the way you are… Feel good? Do it once a day. I bet you’re much kinder to others than you are to yourself!
You’re a good person and you most likely don’t give yourself enough credit for the things that you do well. Make yourself a list of the things that you like about yourself. I am going to leave you with a list of affirmations that you can print and post around your house this week. Good luck!
Please share your story if you tried these exercises!
Affirmations to Post on the Fridge
1. My worth as a person is not diminished in any way by my body size or my eating patterns.
2. I will love myself no matter what my eating patterns are.
3. I will judge my days not by what or how much I eat, but by the accomplishments I have made and the love I have given.
4. My life is a gift, and I will not let my enjoyment of it be diminished by feeling guilty over my body size or how much I eat.
5. I am finished blaming others, situations, and myself for the way I eat. I will take action minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day until I can eat normally again.
6. My eating disorder is a temporary condition in my life.
7. There is a normal eater within me. I will let her/him take over my life more and more each day as I am ready.
8. I can imagine a life without having an eating disorder.
9. When I feel stressed, I will close my eyes and picture how my all-powerful, normal eater would handle the situation.
10. I believe I will be a normal eater again. I know I will be a normal eater again!
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